It's that time of the year
It's time to celebrate the new year
But you gotta do it right
So here's some advice
From me to you

January 1, that is the day
That the new year is born
That's just the way it is
Let's have a toast for the brand new year
It's a celebration of life
Another shitty year is in the can
It's in the dumpster
With all the years past
Let's not rush too fast
Or this year will pass like gas
Grab your friends, tell 'em that you love 'em
Grab your enemies, tell 'em that you hate 'em
Then punch them in the face
There's no time to waste
It's a brand new year
Start the year off right
Get in a fight and punch out someone's lights
Then grab a girl
Do the twirl, give it a whirl
It's a brand new year

Grab a drink, grab a gun
Just have fun
Could be the best year of your life

Grab a steak, grab a fork
And eat it up
Could be the best year of your life

We got a message out there
To all your party people
Listen close, open your ears
It's a very important message
So take it to heart

Don't drink and drive
Don't drink and drive (Well why not?)
It could save your life (Oh really?)
It could save your life (I don't believe it!)

Don't drink and drive (Well why not?)
Don't drink and drive (You gotta tell me why!)
It could save your life
It could save your life
Or take your life

Take some drugs
Make some love
Something new
Could be the best year of your life

This public service announcement has been brought to you by Variety Picnic